'Til Kingdom Come

It's almost November 29th. It's my 26th Birthday. I've come a long way since that hospital in San Antonio, Texas. I think it's wise to reflect on how much can happen in a year. Here are some highlights. In my 25th year I got my motorcycle, was Best Man in my Best Friends wedding, learned a lot about Manliness, grew a beard~ twice, took a Ballroom dancing class, moved to a great house in La Mirada, reconciled a friendship, started dating again, laughed till I cried, just cried, learned more of the depths of my sin and heights of His redeeming love, saw John Williams at the Hollywood Bowl, faced some of my darkest days, went to a Polo match, watched all 6 season of Lost, bought a Queen size bed, continued to look for a queen to share it with, got my first TV~ 46" of beautiful HD, stayed up too late with friends, got up too early for work, saw God's provision for every day, rented my first car ~ a chevy aveo, broke more than a few rules, ate a fish eye, biked...

Today I got a refill on some prescription meds I've been taking for the past month to help me in my battle with anxiety and panic attacks. The pills have been a daily reminder of something I hate to face. 1. There is something wrong with me. 2. I'm too weak to battle it on my own. I've spent the last year absorbing as much content on Manliness as I could get my hands on. I've set goals and tried to grow and mature into more of a responsible, strong, committed, man. I even got up the nerve to ask a girl out on a date and buy a motorcycle. I thought things might finally be coming together. Then CRASH! My world seems to collapse like a sandcastle during high tide. I couldn't sleep, eat, relax, work. Everything felt overwhelming. There was been a daily assault on my sense of hope for the future which I want to discuss later. In this battle something has become a clear as the Caribbean sea. My Daily need of God's grace and mercies. Because: 1. There is something wron...

Maybe it would be extreme to say that Coldplay is my soul incarnate but upon hearing their newest song "Spanish Rain/Don Quixote" which they premiered last week on the start of their Latin America tour, I am even more persuaded to say that it's true. I get a little nervous when I'm about to listen to a new Coldplay song for the first time. "Might this be the first song I don't like?" One of the first songs I ever wrote when I first started playing guitar was titled "Don Quixote". I definitely like their version better. This new song is both absolutely Coldplay and yet fresh and not just something we've heard before. Chris Martin proves that his lyric writing is getting even better. While listening to this song for the first time I had goosebumps and my heart and soul were dancing. I feel ridiculous even saying it but I can't help it. If this is any sign of what is to come from their new album, which is tentatively aimed to be released b...

We all have those days when it seems like nothing is going right. We have a bad hair day , we hit every red light when we're already running late for work, someone at the party is being charmed by someone we wish was us, we get our elbow stuck in a chair in the middle of a crowded room, our boss wants to "walk into" something we did that wasn't up to snuff, we wake up and find we are a literary character in a Russian novel or perhaps having under gone a metamorphosis into a giant vermin. We've all been there. I find that on these days on of the best things I can do is to write a list of things that I love in life. Later I go back and read this list and I'm always amazed at how many things I forget about. I can't help but read my list and find a smile is sneaking it's way across my face. Don't leave anything off the list. If it makes you happy put it down. From the eternally mind blowing awesomeness of our unmerited salvation in Christ Jesus to th...

Several months ago we had a work day at my church. A couple of Trustees and I spent a good 10 hours doing hard manual labor installing new door jams and a new gas line. It was the kind of work where you are covered in dirt, sweat, blood and muscles you didn't know you had hurt. It was wonderful. Everyone once in awhile I love doing tough manly work that reminds you you're alive. We finished our work that evening and I began the drive home. When I arrived at my "cozy" studio apartment my roommate wasn't home. My stomach gave a deep roar that echoed off the walls. I collapsed on the couch and tried to fathom what I would make for dinner. I began to think of how wonderful it would be to be married. How joyfully I would hand over my paycheck, take out the trash, change the oil in the car, squish creepy crawlies, fix and repair things and so much more, to come home to a kind woman who would greet my dirty face with a kiss and prepared even the simplest of meals. (As a...

Everything has a beginning. This is the beginning of my first blog. I'm curious to see what arises from putting my thoughts down in this format. I've kept a journal off and on for several years. I never had any interest to start a blog of my own but in recent months I have been blessed by reading several different blogs. It is my hope that this will not be a blog that adds to the noise but is a unique element in the symphony of life. The fact that it is cool and rainy on this February afternoon is contributing to my introvert state of mind I am certain. I am a melancholy romantic, an old soul and young at heart. Turning 25 has caused me to rethink a lot of things and stirred up an intense desire to Man Up and live life with more purpose and accomplishment. I hope that this blog will help me to set, track and fulfill my goals as well as process my thoughts and feelings along the journey. “ I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a bril...