Skip to main content

Too Close for Comfort

Snip, snip, snip. Every sign of beauty and color torn away. The growth of the past year reduced to a jagged stub. What once was a thriving life seems nothing more than the skeletal frame of abandoned promise.

I have trouble discerning the pruning shears from the ax at the root of the tree. Is this the discipline of my Father? The careful, wise trimming of a loving Gardener. Often I fear that it is the punishment of a Holy Judge. One sin too many. The final test of a fruitless tree. The righteous wrath to bear down on my stubborn neck.

But I stop. The slippery lies. The panicked doubts. Who am I to say that the power of Christ blood has reached it's high tide and I find myself dry on a sandy shore. His redeeming love shall come this far but no further. The audacity.

His atonement is an raging tsunami that over takes the swiftest runner and the strongest grip clutching earthen security.

It overcomes, it overwhelms. It drowns me in a bed of crimson. I don't want to die. I resist. I struggle against death. You are good? This is right? With burning lungs I scream into the thick.

















Death.


Death of a wretch. Death of desires that lead to deeper death.

Old sinks. New floats to surface.

A canopy of stars.

The peace of letting go.

This is Love.

These Hands are strong. The power to rend the all that stood between Heaven and earth. How will I not be crushed.

Eyes that see. Not just what is but what shall be.

Help me trust your hurts.

If only your silences were not so deafening.

Spring will bring blossom. Fuller. Stronger.

Can I be naked in the garden again? The intimacy that is everything I crave and everything I fear.

Rest.

The worst is over.

You will never be apart from Me again. Only ever closer. Closer.

Closer.



Closer.



Labels:

Comments

  1. wancamanMay 28, 2012 at 9:03 AM

    i like this! thanks j. i should tell you about my recurring tidal wave dreams...

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bloodless Martyrdom

Over the summer I realized that as a single man in my mid 20's I am presented with a conflicting set of agendas for my life. One popular opinion is that I need to take full advantage of my singleness. Travel, pursue goals, go back to school. Figure out what I want out of life.  These are not bad things. They are great things. These may even help me to reach my life goals of marrying a godly woman and having a family of my own. However, I'm also told that getting married and having a family will reveal to me and others the depths of my selfishness and pride. I could wait until that possible day to discover those elements in my heart but I was a Boy Scout and our motto was "Be Prepared". The hope then is that I rid myself of as much of my egocentrism as I can and to live for others now. Where I see the problem is that the life I'm being told to live now is not helping cultivate the life that I seek to flourish in later. I set before me the same challe...
3 comments
Read more

A Quarter of a Century

It's almost November 29th. It's my 26th Birthday. I've come a long way since that hospital in San Antonio, Texas. I think it's wise to reflect on how much can happen in a year. Here are some highlights. In my 25th year I got my motorcycle, was Best Man in my Best Friends wedding, learned a lot about Manliness, grew a beard~ twice, took a Ballroom dancing class, moved to a great house in La Mirada, reconciled a friendship, started dating again, laughed till I cried, just cried, learned more of the depths of my sin and heights of His redeeming love, saw John Williams at the Hollywood Bowl, faced some of my darkest days, went to a Polo match, watched all 6 season of Lost, bought a Queen size bed, continued to look for a queen to share it with, got my first TV~ 46" of beautiful HD, stayed up too late with friends, got up too early for work, saw God's provision for every day, rented my first car ~ a chevy aveo, broke more than a few rules, ate a fish eye, biked...
4 comments
Read more

Breaking a King

Accompanying music if you so choose. Sanvean - Lisa Gerrard “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die!”  David furiously shouts these words with the conclusion of the prophet Nathan’s story. A strange tale about a poor man’s only beloved lamb and a rich man who takes and slaughters it for his own dinner guests.  This story is fairly familiar and the connections between the parable and David’s unfathomable sins of adultery, deceit, and murder are quickly made. It’s just a creative way for Nathan to bring up an uncomfortable subject to the all-powerful ruler of Israel, is it not? I’ve heard this story countless times throughout my life as a part of the arc of David’s story. However, this part of the tale has been on a repeating loop in my mind recently. Why did this story stir up such a storm in David? He is the king. He is wealthy beyond measure. When he says “He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no...
Post a Comment
Read more